I smile, I cry, I frown...

at first...
I was just expecting that Kevin will notice me...

After my 18th birthday...
He finally knows me...

I'm so happy that Kevin knows my name...
He even call me, smile at me, and greets me even if I have a class...


I SMILE...

...because he finally notice me...even if I just admire him as a normal, typical guy... he appreciates what I'm doing... especially when we meet at the hallway...( I just say "Hi! =) ")
...because he knows how to appreciate someone... even though I'm an ordinary girl... still he knows me...
...because he's for real... he's just a room away from me...
...because my messages reach him... ( by means of Gelden... =) )
...because he knows my name...

I CRY

...because I still feel empty... even if he knows me... even if he appreciates me... still... my feelings doesn't change at all... he still remains as my crush...
...because I always expect more than what he's doing for me...
...because I can't reach the status of his life...
...because I can't LOVE him...

I FROWN

...because he just making jokes like: he said to Gracious that He misses me... of course that's a big joke... yet I accept it as a compliment... =(
...because I can't talk to him... eye to eye... heart to heart... but if that thing happens... even if it's IMPOSSIBLE... I will be speechless...
...because I always see him together with his girlfriend... ( still I wish all the best for them... =) )
...because I'm just a typical ordinary student of New Era that admire his playing skills as a basketball player...



All in all...


I will just accept the truth and face the reality that I just admire him and he knows it...

And I thank him for being good to me...

Thank you...

Loneliness from apart...

I think I can hear myself cry,

But tears didn't fall from my eyes,

Maybe, I'm too weak to handle such things,

Like a lovre that no one can hear.

I'm so much in love but deeply hurt when left behind,

That's why I need to commit a suicide,

A suicide which they call numbness,

And after that... I don't know what's going to happen.

Watch me when I'm going to fall,

'Coz no one will catch me from below,

I need a savior or a hero,

Who will help me after my great fall.

I wish I can freeze my heart,

In a fridge, in Antartica, or in outer space,

I want to be prisoned by my loneliness,

And after that, I will let myself sleep for a thousand of years.

I hope I can trash away my feelings,

Out my heart can't do such things,

I'm still waiting for a LIGHT that will wake me up,

From the numbness that I'm going to chant.

My 18th Birthday...

I didn’t celebrate my 18th bday with a party or with any elegant and bonggacious event…

Well…

That’s life..

I just want to celebrate it silently…

but suddenly…

my college friends made a confidential plan…

at first I had this feeling that something will happen the next day (November 10) ‘coz when we were at the party… Kisa talk to Carlo secretly… as if I didn’t see them…

but still…

I only think that they are going to frame me up to something…

but…

at exactly 9:45 am, November 10, 2008…

when we were at the canteen…

Kisa and Elaine rushed to me and said that they saw AMM, QA, and Luna at the third floor and they want me to capture some picture of them…

When we arrived in the 3rd floor of the MPH…

Jayjay locked the door…

I saw Kevin Angel Narciso came out from Sir Miradora’s office…

He had a white rose on his hand and he immediately approach me…

my classmates together with their cameras immediately capture that moment when Kevin lend his hand (w/ a rose) to me…

I’m flattered ‘coz he accept my friends request without hesitation…

Then we have this picture where his hand lands on my left shoulder and happily smile to the picture with me…

He greeted me “Happy Birthday”…

That moment doesn’t sink to my mind… (Aftershock ang drama ng utak ko…)

But still…

even though the pictures are erased because of KASPERSKY…

I will treasure that very special moment with him…

Happy Birthday to me…

A Disease called Love

I maybe strong and eager
But deep within me,
A weak girl hides
One day, a doctor confirmed that I've been infected...
By a contiguous disease commonly called LOVE...



A prince is one of the cause of my illness
I let myself expect that he's going to appreciate me
But in the end...
I fall in the big hole of depression...



After a while...
I was sent to a hospital
My vital signs are now severe
My heart rate sounds like a noisy beep...



The doctor says I'm too infested
I must know how to heal...
A wound that cause me a tragic incident that I've been through a lot...



I was sent to the ICU
Then to the trauma ward
And when I woke up...
I saw a feather swishing around me...



One day

A frog came at the ward
He's not good looking but he knows how to deal with people
I don't know him, he don't know me
But I know he's good for me...



He makes me laugh when I'm sad
I thank him for being like that
But when he says goodbye
Tears drop from my eyes...



Now that I am fully recovered from an infection
I must help myself regain my strength
I found out that I must not look for an angel
Who's going to bring me in hell...

A Poem to Remember

Thanks for the laughter you share

Thanks for being there

Thanks for the patience

tender, love, and care

Thanks for cheering me up

Thanks for making me laugh

Thanks for letting me feel that I'm important

Thanks for respecting what I want.

Sorry for the things I made you cried

Sorry if sometimes, I have my pride

Sorry for the sadness I bring

Sorry for everything.

How I wish you're always there for me

How I wish you accept my sincerity

Hope you enjoy sharing your life with me

Dont forget that you are a part of me.

Thanks for being "the best"

The best person I've ever met

Thanks for giving me your all

To you, I have no regret

I will be there to wipe your tears away

I will be there to fight your fears away

I will be there when your rainbow turns into gray

I will be there when you have no words to say

I will be there to comfort you

I will be there to hug you

I'm always ready to support you

I will be there, I promise you.

10 things I hate about MEN...

Every individual has their own personalities and characteristics….

And that’s the big reason why I don’t want to have a relationship with the opposite gender…

Men are different from women… That’s a fact…

As a choosy person… I’d like to have a relationship to someone I like and love most…

But there are THINGS that I hate about men…

And these are…

10. Kill joy

9. Corny… (as in)

8. Hard Drinker…. (Alcoholic)

7. Smoke Belcher… (Chain smoker or just a smoker)

6. Irresponsible

5. Numb and Dumb

4. Stubborn

3. Scallops…. (Selfish)

2. B.I (Bad Influence)

1. Suplado… (What is suplado in English???)

at the end of a sem...

and now...
the end is near...
well...
first sem will end for tomorrow...
and no one can stop it...
my memories for the past semester will now stay calm under my mind...
and of course...
Mong is one of it...

I hope...
one of this days...
He'll notice me...
I know it's just a wild dream that I could ever imagine...
He's not a numb... and that's for sure...
but still he'll never notice such a girl like me...

Back to reality...
I 'll miss most of my friends...
they're always there to comfort me... (khit n bugbog sarado n ako sa knila sa mga jokes nla...)
sana makuha ko ung scholarship grant next year para di ako huminto sa pag-aaral...
sana lang...

And this is my last post for this sem...
Have a nice vacation to all of you guys...

My Inspiration

Of all the things that I've experienced in my damn life...
Minsanan lng ako naging masaya dhil sa mga "CRUSHES" q...

Nsaktan n ako...
Umiyak...
Natrauma...
Nainsecure sa itsura ko dhil n rin kay JP...
naging pangit ang outlook ko sa srili q and I lose my confidence...

But then again...
Dhil n rin sa kababawan ko...
NagkaCRUSH nnmn c Lea...

BUT THEN AGAIN...
kmusta nmn ako...
nakakita nnmn ako ng katulad ni JP...
parehong nagbabasketball...
parehong tamad mag-aral...
parehong matangkad at maputi...
parehong may pimples sa face...
pero mas CHUBBY c Mong...

mabait nmn cla pareho pero mas maPR c Mong...

I really don't know why I like them...
My friends doesn't like Mong...
nagrereto nga cla ng iba pra sa akin...

I will share this story...
nkita ko noong wednesday c Mong n topless during PE nmin...
then...
sumaktong game ko n for doubles sa PE
tuwang tuwa ang mga friends and klasm8s ko...
inspired nmn ako...
at ayun champion ako sa mixed doubles event ng badminton nmin sa school...
masaya n ako sa lagay n iyan...
ang babaw ko noh... heheheh...

but then...
wla n nga akong magagawa...
mas mabuti p nga cguro n maging single ako forever...
wla rin kcng magkakagus2 sken eh... hehehehe
nagdadrama ang lola...
i just love to be single...

the door is now close...

finally...
we are able to face the truth that we did not win in this years Tagis Lakas...
we'll that okay...
there's nothing to be bothered about...
it's just a game... there's always a winner and a loser...

kisa said that she'd moved on from her crush...
joan has also moved on... knowing the fact that her crush has a girlfriend...
mae... we'll she's lucky to see her crush... she's lucky...
me... we'll... stable... single... and has no problem with my feelings...
berna... i don't know...

having a free mind right now is an advantage for all of us...
maybe because... we have nothing to worry or to think...

Me...
I just want to have a simple life... together with my friends... up to the day we will graduate...
I hope we pass all the subjects...

Life is just too short...
Grab the opportunities as long as you don't hurt anyone's feelings...
Smile... to have a long and lasting youth... =p

Is it a big deal?!

well...
for me... as a fan of our team...
a big YES... it's a big deal... we hope and pray for them...



well...
I cannot blame anyone of them...
they give a nice and fair game to everyone...
as a matter of fact...
they give all the best they could give...
but still...
it was not enough...

most of them are going to graduate this school year...
we all think that they will win because of the fact that this is the last BB game that they will play in Era...
but still...
a phrase win this time around.... "Don't expect to much... it will lead to disappointment..."



I try to go inside the shower room after the game...
but I saw Angel's face... He's sad and he's not in the mood...
I just shout and yell the word... "It's not a big deal... You won last year... It's just ok..."
but I'm not in the position to say that thing...
I'm not a player... nor a part of the team...
I'm just a fan who only know how to cheer and yell and take some pictures...


Well... there is always a winner... and a loser...
If they continue blaming their selves (their sadness continue after a week)...
well... that is a loser's way on how to relieve their selves...
they will prove that they are losers...
I did not say this just to blame them or what so ever...
They must focus on the brighter future they will have after they graduate...

Winner Takes it ALL!!!

basta nag-eexist p ang mga taong marunong umintindi sa word na "HOPE"...
maraming magiging WINNER...
maraming magiging successful s buhay...

They know how to stand up in every fall they've experienced...
kc nga mayroon pang pag-asa sa utak at puso nila...
hindi sila UMAASA... may PAG- ASA pa sa knila...

Madrama b?

Confessions of an Imaginative Mind...

actually...
i like to watch Movies...
may dream nga ako n maging isang Director...

so...
as a Hobby... I always watch movies produced in different countries...

kaya nga me nabuo akong story sa utak ko..
and I want to share it to all of you...

sa isang bahay...
may magkapatid n super ever ang sweetness because they are totally ulila....
the eldest is named Mark and her younger sister is Anne...
Mark promise to himself that he is going to protect and take good care of Anne what ever happens...
One day,
They are playing inside their house...
they are throwing pillows at each other because Anne tease his kuya who has a BIG pimple on his face...
Mark... as usual... eh naasar... kaya ang ganti nya eh... batuhin ng unan ang kapatid...
dahil tinamaan ng todo si Anne... gumanti xa... at umabot hanggang kusina ang batuhan...
c Anne ay may nkitang harina...
ano p nga bng gagawin nya sa arina?... e di ibabato sa kuya nya...
..... bato dito bato doon....
..... AYUN... SAPUL sa mukha ang Uncle nina Anne at Mark... n papasok ng kusina...
at anong reaksyon nya?...
Well... of course... nagalit ang lolo....
actually... di xa matanda pero dhil sa kakulitan ng mga pamangkin,tumatanda xa...
ang Uncle Cris nina Mark at Anne ang kumuha s knila ng maulila n ng lubos ang dalawa...
mabait nmn xa at maunawain... pero... umiikli yun lahat kapag nagkukulitan ang dalawa at parati xang nadadamay...
balik sa bahay...
Uncle Cris ask Mark kung bakit pinapatulan nya ang mga pang aasar ni Anne...
Mark doesn't answer his uncle... he just nod his head and said Sorry to his uncle...
Anne also said sorry...
Mark looked at Anne for a while and when Anne noticed that his brother is staring at her...
Mark quickly removed his eyes on Anne...

the next morning...
sabay pumasok ang dalawa...
wlang kumikibo...

Pagpasok ng gate ng school...
May dalawang babae ang kumausap kay Mark...
They are asking Mark if they can have a picture of him...
Pumayag nmn c Mark...
Nakabusangot nmn ang mukha ni Anne... sabay sabing...
-"Ate ba't nyo pinipicturan yang lalaking yan?"
na-offend ang dalawang babae... sabay sbi ng isa...
-"Anong paki mo?"
Lalong nagngitngit c Anne...
-"Ang pangit pangit nmn ng kuya ko eh... May syota n kaya yan..."
Tameme ang dalawang girl...sabay alis...
Hinawakan ni Mark ang kamay ni Anne at hinatak papasok ng school...
Tinanong ni Mark si Anne...
-"Wag kang ganoon Anne... Wla nmn clang ginagawang masama ..."
Sumagot si Anne ng pabalang...
-"Bakit ako ang pinagsasabihan mo nyan?... Cguro gustong gusto mong may magpapicture sa'yo ano?"
-"Bakit nagseselos ka?"ang sabi ni Mark...
-"Papasok n ako... malalate n ako eh... kita kits nlng mamaya..." ang palusot ni Anne...
Si Anne ay isang freshman sa college... Computer Science ang kinukuha...
Si MArk nmn ay isang graduating student... ECE nmn xa...
Pareho sila ng school n pinapasukan...Obvious nmn sa umpisa ng story eh...

next... Around the school... (magtatatym n me eh...)

Reminiscin' ...

a lot of people think that I'm a dumb person...
maybe because of my attitude and personality...
many of those people who doesn't know me believe that I'm just an ordinary person...
I am ordinary but I can do what others can't...

Last night...
I cry...(without a big damn reason)...
I just remember the feeling I felt when i was in High School...
I have many memories left in LHS...
My dearest friends and some people who doesn't care for me...
Including my crush in HS...
HE is someone who I care most...

but...
I really can't understand boys' feeling whenever a girl confess their feeling to them...
maybe, HE's shock knowing that there is someone who likes HIM...

Anyways...
I remember what my friends gave me in my 17th bday...
I makes me blush... and blush whenever I remember it...
My friends request HIM to lend the rose which my friend bought for me...
HE accept my friends request...
it was during MATH class (under Ms. Villafranca)...
my friends told Maam that they are going to conduct a game...
the game was all about Trigonometry...
I was included in the game...
Actually I'm the third contestant...
A friend of mine blindfolded me and the word that I need to guess is behind me...

after 30 seconds...(I can't guess the word 'coz there is no given clue)...
a song (the song is "Nakapagtataka by Sponge Cola") was played...
and when I open my eyes...
I saw HIM standing at the door...
HE's holding a rose (an orange one...)and a BOUQUET of LETTERS from my friends...
After giving me the rose and the bouquet of letters...
HE said "Sorry... Please forget what I've done in the past..."
Actually... HE didn't mean to hurt me...
I'm the one who hurts myself...

But after...
HE just move away from me...
It hurts but I must accept it... I don't own HIM...
BUT STILL... it hurts...
my feelings for HIM doesn't change at all...

But then...
my personality as a hopeless romantic doesn't change a lot...
I still hope that someday a PRINCE will come to save me from my depressions and failures in my LIFE...

Jealousy... =(

is it jealousy?...
I don't own him...
HE's not my property...

BUT...
What is this feeling that I feel whenever I see HIM talking to my friend...
HE always talks to vhea (actually prati c vhea ang kausap nya... huhuhu.. )

I always say to myself that...
"Lea,it's OK..."
"HE's not worth it... rather HE had a GF..."
"why do you push yourself to HIM???"
"do you want HISTORY repeat itself???"

I've been in love for the past 2 years...
but I felt disappointment after...
LOVE sometimes gives me HEADACHE...(honestly... )
Like what my sister said...
"Ate... di nmn hinahanap yan eh... dumarating yan... malay mo di lang isa yung darating... bka dalawa o higit pa..."

Kung tutuusin tama sya...
Bat ako naghahanap?
masarap tlagang magmahal pero kung me nagmamay ari n skanya.....

......
.....
...
..
.

Si God n ang bahala...
alam nmn Nya lahat eh...
di nmn Nya tayo hahayaang masaktan dahil sa LOVE n sya ring dahilan kung bait tayo nbubuhay sa maliit n mundong ito...

A very special SOMEONE...

for those who haven't watch this video...
I will let you feel what I feel the first time I saw it...

It will make you feel special... feel sorry... feel sad... and fall in love...

Most of the people watch this clip cried a lot...

Ahem.. Ahem...
Well... Just watch it, feel it and enjoy it...

Hope you like it...

Oh! there's more...
here's the English version of the song...

there some phrase here that makes sense...
the english version was made by Jini

"BECAUSE I'M A GIRL" by: Kiss
Version English
I just can't understand the ways
Of all the men and their mistakes
You give them all your heart
And then they rip it all away

You told me how much you loved me
And how our love was meant to be
And I believed in you
I thought that you would set me free

(REFRAIN):
You should've just told me the truth
That I wasn't the girl for you
Still, I didn't have a clue
So my heart depended on you, whoa

(CHORUS):
Although I'll say I hate you now
Though I'll shout and curse you out
I'll always have love for you
Because I am a girl

Been told a man will leave you cold
Get sick of you and bored
I know that it's no lie
I gave my all, still I just cry

Never again will I be fooled
To give my all when nothing's true
I won't be played again
But I will fall in love again

(REFRAIN)

(CHORUS)

I loved you so
Now you leave me in the cold
How could this be
I thought that you'd only love me

Into the night
I will pray that you're alright
You hurt me so
I just can't let you go

You took advantage of my willingness
To do anything for love
Now I'm the only one in pain
Will you please take it all away

Never thought being born a girl
How I can love you and be burned
And now I will build a wall
To never get torn again

a COMIC person???

I think... I just misjudge him... HE'S not so bad like what I've just said on my first posts...


Maybe.. tlagang gnun lang xa...

maxadong kampante s lahat ng bagay n nasa paligid nya... kc nga nmn isa xang PLAYER...
he's relaxed on some things n di ko nmn alam...


HE'S a person who knows how to laugh with HIS friends..
... who knows to enjoy life being with someone HE loves...
... who make such act where people around HIM can laugh or smile...


HAY...
even though I accept the truth... still, it aches for some reasons...
but I know this feeling will vanish sooner or later...

I just wish that WE can be close friends for some reasons or incidents...
I... just wish that HE will talk to me... or ask me questions... or anything....
I hope this things will be possible lalo na't malapit na ang SPORTS FEST s school....

sna makakuha ulit ako ng shots and stolen shots s upcoming SPORTS FEST.

BUT...
A VERY BIG BUT...
HE will notice me once I ask HIM to have some pics...

OH! NO!

What am I thinking???
Oh! No! Am I stupid or what???

It's to obvious (classmate ko pnmn xa)... even though I'm a transparent person, still... I have DIGNITY and MORALITY... Huhuhuhu...

A BIG NO! NO!

Wait a second...
Di ba sbi ko kakalimutan ko n xa?
well inaatake n nmn ako ng skit ko na pagiging SPORTS MINDED.

BETCHA BYE GOLLY WOW...
I must forget everything about HIM and start a new life as a full-pledged student...

Well...

my quote for this week...

LOVE MAKES EVERYONE BLIND... MAKES EVERYONE CRAZY... MAKES EVERYONE STUPID...
I must stop it for once and for all...

A Crush turns to be a CRASH...!!!

to all the people who has a CRUSH...

bka magulat kau sa totoong ugali nila...

di mo aakalain n ang taong mukhang perfect s mata moh... biglang naging isang malaking kasinungalingang hindi mo makayng matanggap...


i have a crush ... naging crush ko xa dhil sa pagiging magaling sa basketball and HE'S the CAPTAIN BALL... magaling talaga xa... sinusunod ng mga colleagues and higher years n kasama sa game...

maybe that's one of the reason why we won in the previous TAGIS LAKAS (2nd sem AY 2007-2008)...
maganda ang leadership... mukhang ANGHEL... n may BRACES ang ngipin...
mejo chubby pero maputi at matangkad... magalang kung tutuusin kasi nagpapicture ako sa kanya and HE called ME... "ATE"

even though he doesn't know me... i know him on his name...
HANGGANG DUN LANG ANG ALAM KO SA KANYA ng mga panahon n iyon...
HE... a very good example of a model student... HE's NEAT, GOOD LOOKING, MAGALANG, MABAIT... yun at yun ang umiikot sa ulo ko kapag nababanggit ang pangaln nya...

PERO...

NGAYON....

HE's my classmate in four of my subjects...
I... thought HE's someone who's intelligent and knows how to BEHAVE as an educated person...

AYUN...

PASAWAY... nag cacutting class... magpapaalam n magsi CR after 10min...15min... hanggang matapos ang period WLA xa sa KLASE lalo't higit boring ang prof... (talagang BORING as in...)

tapos ang ingay sa loob ng room... pinapatugtog ang PDA or ung CP nya as if no one hears it except HIM... ang lakas ng loob... in front of the PROF pa yun ha... (plibhasa kilala xa ng PROF...)...

HAYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!

HE doesn't know someone cares about HIM (tama b ang grammar???)
But I can't blame HIM...
buhay NYA iyun...

gnun talaga cguro ang mga tipo kong lalaki...
matangkad.. maputi... tahimik sa unang tingin pero pag nakilala mo maingay pla...
buti nlang and i don't fall for HIM...(tama b ang grammar???)

yan kasi ang npapala ng katulad kong asa ng asa...
EXPECT and EXPECT but you GET nothing FROM your EXPECTATIONS...
buti nlng natutunan ko nang wag mahulog maxado sa taong di k nmn papansinin...

WELL... magaaral nlng ako... BUTI PA YUNG LIBRO, napapansin kapg kelangan ng assignment PERO AKO kpag di n kailangan parang wla lng at nabubulok s isang tabi... cguro magaantay nlng ako ng taong magbubuklat sa akin at babasahin ako ng habang buhay....