Is he my First Love?

malay ko b sa sarili ko...

prati ko nlng cnasabi n xa at xa ang first love ko...

kaso...

matatawag ko bang first love ang sitwasyon n kung saan wla xang pkialam sa mga nararamdaman ko???...

I think it's my mistake...
I named him as my "first love" pero hindi nmn ata...

biruin mo b nmng umiyak ako sa ganung uri ng lalaki???


ang tanga ko talaga...


hay... kapag naaalala ko tlaga lhat ng mga kalokohan at katarantaduhan n ginawa ko pra lng malaman nya gusto ko xa...

Shet... nakakasuka tlga...

buti n nga lang may nakapag sabi sa akin n he doesn't deserve to be loved coz he's not my worth...

kaso...

pra akong crang plaka n parating inuulit ulit ang history...

subukan ko mang ibaon ung mga memories n un sa isang box at itapon sa moon...

leche tlga kc ayaw magpatapon ng box... hehehehe

pero ako n rin cguro ang may ayaw n itapon un... hehehehe...prang tanga lng noh... hehehe

sana di k nlng cnabi sa kanya... e di friends kmi hanggang end ng 4th year...

biruin mo bnmn n isang beses lng nya ako kinausap and that's when I celebrate my 16th bday... tapos wla nah... hehehehe

hay....

ang tanga kc ni Lea Sanchez pagdating sa gnitong bgay... badtrip...

kung nging lalaki nlng sna ako...
at least....



kung may tinamaan... di nmn po ako nanunumbat...

kelangan ko lng svhin pra hindi sumabog sa dibdib ko... hehehehe.... peace po tau...

The Emo-thic side of me...

is it wrong if I put a thick black eye liner in my eyes???

is it wrong if I change the way I look in the public eye???

is it a sin if I become transparent???

is it unfair if I wear a pearl earring???

is it a foolish thing if I smile even if I look like a witch???

is it a stupid thing if I put some face powder, lip gloss and blush on in my face???

is there something wrong if I wear unusual dress when I go in the public???

then if there's nothing wrong on all the things that I'm doing...

then why there's a lot of people who still cannot understand me???

why can't they understand me???

I smile, I cry, I frown...

at first...
I was just expecting that Kevin will notice me...

After my 18th birthday...
He finally knows me...

I'm so happy that Kevin knows my name...
He even call me, smile at me, and greets me even if I have a class...


I SMILE...

...because he finally notice me...even if I just admire him as a normal, typical guy... he appreciates what I'm doing... especially when we meet at the hallway...( I just say "Hi! =) ")
...because he knows how to appreciate someone... even though I'm an ordinary girl... still he knows me...
...because he's for real... he's just a room away from me...
...because my messages reach him... ( by means of Gelden... =) )
...because he knows my name...

I CRY

...because I still feel empty... even if he knows me... even if he appreciates me... still... my feelings doesn't change at all... he still remains as my crush...
...because I always expect more than what he's doing for me...
...because I can't reach the status of his life...
...because I can't LOVE him...

I FROWN

...because he just making jokes like: he said to Gracious that He misses me... of course that's a big joke... yet I accept it as a compliment... =(
...because I can't talk to him... eye to eye... heart to heart... but if that thing happens... even if it's IMPOSSIBLE... I will be speechless...
...because I always see him together with his girlfriend... ( still I wish all the best for them... =) )
...because I'm just a typical ordinary student of New Era that admire his playing skills as a basketball player...



All in all...


I will just accept the truth and face the reality that I just admire him and he knows it...

And I thank him for being good to me...

Thank you...

Loneliness from apart...

I think I can hear myself cry,

But tears didn't fall from my eyes,

Maybe, I'm too weak to handle such things,

Like a lovre that no one can hear.

I'm so much in love but deeply hurt when left behind,

That's why I need to commit a suicide,

A suicide which they call numbness,

And after that... I don't know what's going to happen.

Watch me when I'm going to fall,

'Coz no one will catch me from below,

I need a savior or a hero,

Who will help me after my great fall.

I wish I can freeze my heart,

In a fridge, in Antartica, or in outer space,

I want to be prisoned by my loneliness,

And after that, I will let myself sleep for a thousand of years.

I hope I can trash away my feelings,

Out my heart can't do such things,

I'm still waiting for a LIGHT that will wake me up,

From the numbness that I'm going to chant.

My 18th Birthday...

I didn’t celebrate my 18th bday with a party or with any elegant and bonggacious event…

Well…

That’s life..

I just want to celebrate it silently…

but suddenly…

my college friends made a confidential plan…

at first I had this feeling that something will happen the next day (November 10) ‘coz when we were at the party… Kisa talk to Carlo secretly… as if I didn’t see them…

but still…

I only think that they are going to frame me up to something…

but…

at exactly 9:45 am, November 10, 2008…

when we were at the canteen…

Kisa and Elaine rushed to me and said that they saw AMM, QA, and Luna at the third floor and they want me to capture some picture of them…

When we arrived in the 3rd floor of the MPH…

Jayjay locked the door…

I saw Kevin Angel Narciso came out from Sir Miradora’s office…

He had a white rose on his hand and he immediately approach me…

my classmates together with their cameras immediately capture that moment when Kevin lend his hand (w/ a rose) to me…

I’m flattered ‘coz he accept my friends request without hesitation…

Then we have this picture where his hand lands on my left shoulder and happily smile to the picture with me…

He greeted me “Happy Birthday”…

That moment doesn’t sink to my mind… (Aftershock ang drama ng utak ko…)

But still…

even though the pictures are erased because of KASPERSKY…

I will treasure that very special moment with him…

Happy Birthday to me…